My mum’s 1st death anniversary…
tOdaY 03rD oF oCt iS mY mum’s death first anniversary
thE actuAl daY sHe lefT uS waS oN 14tH ocT 2004, 0250am… Lunar calendar: jiu yue chu yi ( mum’s actual death date)
I alWayS woNder wAs Heaven good to my mum … giVing heR a siMple faMily thAt sHe (aLL woMen) alwAys asKed fOr aNd prAyinG thE fAmily wiTh gOOd heAlth.. bUt tHen whEn hEr childRen hAd grOwn Up aNd fINally cAn starT tO enJoy aBit Of hEr liFe… HeAven gAve hEr thIs siCknEss aNd It hAppEned on my siSter’s 21st Birthday(2001).. ActuallY sHe hAd bEEn fEEling uNwell beFore mY siS’s bDay aNd hEr stOmach blOated liKe a prEgnant wOman.. bUt iT oNly arOund oCt thEn sHe stArted tO sEE dOc aNd exaMined..aNd thE wHole fAmilY reAlised thAt sHe hAd sUffeReD oVary cAncer whiCh iS iN stAge 2 … sHe weNt hEr fiRst oPeration.. fRom thAt daY oN i’Ve stArt lOOking aFter hER PArTly duRing thAt timE i wAs joBleSS anD tHe faMilY thEy havE joB anD nEEd tO suPPort thE familY… thiNking thAt sHe wiLL recOver frOm hEr canNcer (whicH i KnoW iT impossiBle).. dUring thE timE whEn i looK aftEr iT waS mY hAppineS daY…cOs wE goSSip aBt mY faMily..wE taLk aLoT….dAys coNtinued As usUal..
2003 duRing mOthers’ dAy mY siS plaN tO tAke My mUm tO jAde palAce foR lunCh aS sHe liKed tHe poRRidge theRe.. .aNd thEn dAys beForE diNNer, hEr stOmach starT blOated agAin.. aNd sHe hAd opeRation fOr hEr intEstine .. aNd she hAd caRRied a ‘bAg’ thAt liNked heR intesTine( sO tHat sHe aBle tO pAss oUt thRough theRe)aNd mY fAmily learNed tO clEaN aNd cleAr heR "paSS ouT"whEn sHe nEEd tO chAnge( i wanT to leaRn buT wHen i sEE hEr iNtestine I staRt tO gEt nerVouS anD haD BlackOut)….. shE wAs infErior siNce thEn beCoz Of thE ‘bAg’…aNd sHe Can oNly wEar prEgnant cloThing beCoz oF thAt ‘bAg’ hanGing oN hEr stoMach linK To HeR intEstine… May 2004 iS tHe dAy mY FamilY’s nightMare stArtS.. Her stOmach blOated sligHtly..aNd wE nEveR thoUght thAt iT thE sAme oLd eVil caNcer… tiLL mY sIs wEnt Aust. aNd whEn sHe caLLed mY mUm theRe, mUm toLd hEr thAt sHe hAd bEEn vomitiNg And hEr stoMach bloAted.. mAyb iT becOz oF tHe duMpling sHe Ate fEw dAys aGo aNd caUsed indigEstion.. Bu dEEP iN Her heArt sHe knEw whAt is gOing On… dUrinG thaT tiMe i wAs in ScotlAnd wheneVer i cAll hOme sHe Told mE sHe’s fiNe dOnT haVe tO woRRy…whEn mY sIs bAck frOm aUst (On jUl 2004), sHe sAw MuM’s ‘prEgnant’ stOmach … aNd i knOw thAt hEr fear is true..
On Aug, My coUsins tOld hEr To gO wIth thEm tO sEE tHe dOc iNchArge aNd He toLd theM thAt shE hAd No cUre .. then oNly thiNg He cAn dO tRy To proLong aS mAny dAys As hE coUld… mY siS caLLed mE…wHen i KnoW i immediatEly fLeW bK HomE. wHen i sAw heR i waS ShockED aND sCared cOs She lOOks sO sKinnY aNd paLe…iM nOt trYing tO saId iM a sAint bUt eveR sInce i bK sHe lOOk muCh healtHy coS i buY heR BkfasT anD luNch..i asK heR waT shE eaT whEn mY siS in Aust , mE in ScotlAnd, fathER aT worK …hEr rePly waS notHing cOs sHe waS tOO weaK tO maKe fOOd foR HerselF…I breAk intO teaRs wheN i hear thAt i TolD hEr shE shoULd asK mE tO coMe bK …dAys aFter daYs sHe bEEn behAving liKe kId, tryiNg To gEt oUr aTTention aNd wAnted Us tO spEnd mOre tiMe wiTh hEr.. duRing tHE daY i wiLL staY bY heR siDe to Look aFTer HEr..thEn Nite wiLL Be mY siS aNd faTher tO lOOk aFter HeR…beFore tHaT i alwAys dreaMt heR leFt uS…tHere’S sOmethINg thaT i reGretE moSt iN mY liFe…i remEmber befoRe shE paSSed awaY a Week beFoRe, thE ‘bAg’ shE carRied busT aNd aLL hEr pAssed sPilt oN thE flooR aNd thE maTTreSS sHe Sleep… i wAs helpLeSS coS i Need tO cleAN thE fLoor, mAttrEss, hEr Body etc…i Cant cOpe bY mysElf . luckY i asK my aUnt to hElp mE. durIng tHat tiMe i juSt waNt tO sEnd heR to gO to hospiCe buT luCky thE nurSe thAt wE knOw shE encouraGe mE to lOOk aFter mY mUm sincE i haVe alreaDy comE to thE finaLLy staGe…
tHe nExt daY duE tO lacK oF sLeep anD (shE donT waNt) nO muSic,nO tV, nO opEn Door maDe mE fusRated… SomethINg bAd happEn…I shOuted And scReamed aT mY muM …i’vE gonE CrazY!!!!!! i geT reaLLy fusRated coS i dOnt knOw whAt caN i dO to Make hEr coMfortable aNd i caN’t heLp heR iN heR pAin…sHe saId tO mE oPen thE wINdoW aNd leT heR jUmp aNd DiE…i Was sO angRy tHat i crIed anD rePly to Her iF u reaLLy wanT To diE plS donT draG mE iN!!! wE boTh iN teaR…mY heaRt fEEl sO paIn thAt neveR haD befoRE… iF theRe’s a wisH i woulD waNt tO giVe halF oF mY lifEspanD tO mY muM aNd nO iLLnesS foR heR…
Oct Is tHe monTh tHat shE stArted tO aCt weirD.. aNd On 13th oCt, myY aUnt wanT Us tO taLk to her niCelY.. coNsole hEr , teLLing hEr thAt wE hAve GroWn uP anD wE’ll taKe caRe of oUrself.. .. on 14th OcT arOunD 0250aM My muM lefT uS… i fEEl sO uselEss coS i dOnt haVe thE chaNce tO saId SORRY tO heR anD asK hEr tO foRgivE mE…teLL heR I LOVE hEr …
oN anD oFF wheNeVer i thInk oF hEr mY teaRs wiLL staRt tO busT..dEEp iN mY miNd teLLs mE shE gonE anD liFe havE tO movE oN buT iN my hEart i stiLL holD on anD woulDn’t Let gO…
i PraY haRd foR heR…hOpe shE wiLL reIncarnAte sOOn aNd tO a gOOd famiLy wiTh gOOd liFe aNd heaLth becOz sHe hAd bEEn a gOOd mum aNd gOOd wiFe in this life…